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Letters from inanimate objects to the Houseguests


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Dear hg,

you guys are very ugly

love,

mirror

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Dear Will and Boogie,

You know that we can't really wire messages to and from one another...right? You also know you are sitting right next to each, in the same room of the same house and can just say things to each other...right?

About to slap you both,

Your Hands which are not phones

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dear hg,

please use me. everything else gets used but me. i am not a bad thing. bathe me and love me

veto

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Dearest Houseguests,

I am here in this house. There's no use denying it. No one is immune. Please don't act shocked, sad, or offended when you discover me. Beware-- be cautious-- and be smart about how you use me.

Sincerely,

Lies

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Dear hg,

you guys lie, backstab, tear each other to pieces.

all of you guys have sin.

but i love it.

hope to see soon

thanks,

hell

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Dear Will,

We are slowly chopping you down from the feet up.

Sincerely,

The glass goggles that cut your foot.

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dear james,

you keep sitting on me and i feel very violated.

no love,

the pool stick

Dear Danielle,

sooner rather than later you will run out of cover stories to save me. please stop making me the butt of all jokes.

love,

your big butt

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Dear Danielle,

Don't get too comfortable in me. It won't be long before you're out of the house altogether.

Hate to be the one to break it to you,

The HOH room

Dear Georgey,

OMG, we meet again at last! It felt so good to finally be in your midst. I promise to do your body good, but can't guarentee I won't just run right through you.

Here's hoping I stick around for awhile,

Solid Food

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Dear Sara,

Please gain some confidence. It is possible to find a man who doesn't control the foods you eat, who doesn't call you dumb, and most importantly doesn't lisp your name during the throes of passion.

Heaven Sent,

Your Guardian Angel

Dear Houseguests,

I tried to tell you James was a snake. Don't piss in my ear and tell me it's raining!!

Demonic-ally yours,

The Spirit of Cappy

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  • 2 weeks later...

Boogie,

If you win this game, I hope you realize that it is because you haven't stopped riding me since the beginning.

Tired of Carrying you,

Will's Coattails

Dear spidersscareme,

Hey now -- don't be dissin' me! I ain't no girilie capris!!! You better watch it, or I'll be releasing a bucketfull of spiders in your house!!

Signed,

Booger's MANPRIS

Booger's MANPRIS,

If you have to put the word MAN in front of an article of women's clothing to imply that they are "Manly", they aren't meant to be worn by men.

Spidersscareme

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Dear Erika,

We're actually very introverted by nature so its a bit troubling that you've been putting us out there for everyone to see.

Please cover us up before we catch cold.

Sincerely,

Your Ribs.

Dearest Marcellas,

I know we spent some time together a few years ago, and though it may not have meant much to you, it meant the world to me and your fellow housemates at the time. I think I could make your life, and the life of the fellow BB7ers much easier if we could reconnect.

Yours truly,

Your Personality.

Dear Howie and Janelle,

Hey guys! Outside the house we talk all the time. In fact, I help you everyday with things like getting home, tying your shoes and calling the people you love. I really miss you and think I could be a real asset to your gameplay if you'd just give me a chance.

Right here waiting,

Your memory.

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Dearest Boogie,

I know you never needed me in college and I was able to deal with that, but now that you are loaded I have been working really hard and have always served you with a smile...but this latest one? it's too much. I need back up.

Love your immune system.

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