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Letters From Inanimate Objects To The Hgs


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Thank god you found me!

Could you please return my face as soon as possible to either the Paramount or CBS Props department.


The Horse's Head from the Original Godfather Picture

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Dearest Jen:

Your bright idea to say we were #1 was a #2 decision...you Moron.


Your Memory Wall Photo

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I know that you're hurt because I scored higher than you during the IQ competition, but if you study hard for the next year...year and a half, I'm sure you'll do better.

No hard feelings?

Frothingly yours,

The scum floating on the surface of the water in the hot tub

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Dear Shiela,

Hey you! It's been awhile, hasn't it? I heard, from that meathead Adam that you and Hal Itosis are going together now. Please...we really need to get together soon!

Your friends,

Listerine and Toothpaste

P.S. Pair of Depends told us to tell you, "hello" and he'll see you soon.

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My Dearest Ryan,

Wow! I guess it's true what they say about steroid use, but don't sweat it...it's probably my own fault that I fell off. It's funny, because this is not unlike what my dad did when he was hanging around with your dad...about nine months before you were born.

Anyhoo, don't feel bad, you were probably under a lot of stress too...and let's face it, she has been with a "brother" before, so it was probably like throwing a hot dog down a hallway anyway...I know, I know...it's just a myth. At any rate, Parker will probably set her straight about it in the sequester house. Try and get a good night's sleep!


The world's smallest condom

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Upon receipt of this letter please accept my resignation. It is my hope that you will accept some responsibility for this situation, because I've worked for so many other people, and never had a problem, but obviously I'm not working for you.

Warmest regards,

Hooked on Phonics

P.S. I hope someone reads this to you.

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Dear Houseguests,

Since last week, there hasn't been a single day where I didn't wish I was a Death Row gas chamber. I don't know why, but I felt I needed to share that with you...especially you Josh.

See you soon,

The BB Diary Room

*Note from CrabMan - Sorry folks, I got on a roll...I'm done now! :-)

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Dear Jen

We have medications to cure that! (ie: warts that are covering both of your feet, severe yeast infection, rapidly spreading rash) Hit us up... but please make sure it is via the telephone as we don't want to get within a mile of you for fear that YOU are spreading.

Here to Help

The Pharmaceutical Company


Dear Male Houseguests

I am a part of this house and experience too! I feel so neglected!

Feeling abandoned

The Jack Shack

P.S. I miss Howie, can he come for a visit?

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