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Friday, October 24th, 2014


**Note: Utopia is preempted tonight by the world series.  That is technically reality TV too, but it's not our much needed fix of lame food drama, bad decision making, and back-stabbing.  We are going to give you a recap on this week's events to help keep you informed and addicted while Utopia is on hiatus. We've thrown in a few more video links than usual to help you forget about the missing episode.  Enjoy!**


This Time

We have the juiciest update of the whole season so far!! (no, the show isn't canceled) but production seems to be just as disgusted as we all are about the pioneers squandering this opportunity at a new society and has stripped them of their rights to nominate anyone for eviction and given the power to the live feeders!  So I guess Operation "Rattle Nikki" just went down the crapper, and so did the CKC (the Cool Kids Club, aka The Utopian Mafia).  Here are the new voting rules


Let's Talk About the Cool Kids Behind Their Backs

...And in the beginning there was Aaron and Kristen.  They decided (for no discernible reason)it was them against the rest of Utopia, and that was the snake in Utopia's garden.  Some of the Utopian weekend visitors snitched on them to the other pioneers, and thus was the hate between Nikki and Aaron born.  Mike, Aaron and Kristen wanted Nikki out on the first vote, but figured out they didn't have the votes to git 'er done.  Since then Mike, Aaron and Kristen have hooked up with Rob and Taylor.  They have all turned to the dark side.  Operation Rattle Nikki was meant to upset her so she would have a verbal altercation with someone, or just blow up in general and our dark lords of dystopia could use her actions to get her up as a nominee for eviction.


We pretty much knew Aaron, Kristen and Mike (Mr. & Mrs. Shady and their shyster lawyer) started out on the dark side, (although you have to admit, Mike hid it pretty well in the beginning)but how in the world did Rob and Taylor end up being seduced by the dark arts?  I blame it all on Red.  The minute he passed through the gate whatever mean, nasty, aggressive, foul, festering spirit left his body and took up residence in Rob's.  We saw Rob go from being a calm, thoughtful, goal oriented leader to a dish/cutlery throwing, art stealing, foul mouthed, misogynistic, fit throwing douche bag.  Rob managed to suck Taylor into the group even when Aaron couldn't do it with the lure of extra food and liquor.  When Rob went bad, he went real, real bad.


Aaron has been relieved of his "Chef" status since Tuesday the 21st and Nikki and Cal have been killing it in the kitchen!  Full breakfasts and dinners with plenty for all.  It's only supposed to be for a week, but Aaron is completely bent out of shape about it.  He threw out a pea soup Cal and Nikki were cooking on the stove, and I mean threw it outside in the dirt (accidentally on purpose).  He started an argument with Nikki over who was going to cook what with the 100 or so pumpkins Jake the bee keeper brought over, made some lovely comments like "I just don't like how late she serves it" "She doesn't give us options" "Her oatmeal tastes like snot" and "The kitchen is always a mess".  He has a point about the kitchen, well the stove anyway, if the rumors of a maggot colony are true. (Pardon me while I puke.)  He has also generally slept the day away rather than work in the garden like he said he would. 


Kristen got some strait talk from the online viewers who posted comments on her "blog".  They were pretty direct, and while no one approves of personal attacks about her looks (who cares?) the rest were pretty on the money and instead of taking any of the advise or remarks to heart, she tried to tell herself and others it was from just one sad, lonely person.  Many of the Utopians read the comments before production got involved and deleted everything and shut it down.  But we all know, nothing ever goes away once its lose on the web.  So if you want to read what she got hammered with here it is.  Hex threatened to come to everyone's home (when she leaves Utopia)that left a comment and Rob wants us to fly to California and say that stuff to his face.  But pay the $20 to get in first.


Now we get to Mike.  Mike had a complete and total meltdown this week.  Mike in my opinion needed some thorazine.  His breakup with Dedeker, which was all his idea by the way, has him unhinged. He threw the most massive, out of control, fit when Jake the bee keeper came by to drop off some honey and pumpkins.  Mike shouted at him like a loon out on the dock and then started pumpkin chunkin all the gourds he could get his hands on.  I think every Utopian on the farm at one point tried to calm him down, only problem is most of them laughed uncomfortably through the whole revolting scene.  They seemed to think the best way to handle it was to make Mike feel like he was being funny.  It wasn't funny, it was awkward in the extreme.  I will give you the link to the shit-show because we have no episode to watch this week, but viewer discretion is advised for people sensitive to stupidity.  Mike vs Jake the Beekeeper Part1, and Part2.


Taylor I'm going to say is just misguided and hope that he isn't in too deep not to be able to get the stink of felonious bad behavior off of him with just a good bar of beeswax soap he can buy from Dedeker for $10.


We're the Cool Kids Now

By the time you read this, the voting for who you wanted booted out of Utopia will be closed, and the three people with the most votes will be up for elimination.  Mike and Rob are both TRYING to get nominated and put out at this point because the payoff is about $10,000 when you leave, but only after one year or being voted off by the other pioneers.  Slick huh?  So look for them to go really big from now till the eviction on Halloween with the worst crap they can dream up. 


Before the announcement of the change in rules, several of our Dark Side pioneers were threatening others in the group with eviction.  Rob and Aaron specifically threatened Bella with "10 more days and bye bye Bella".  The Fox Utopian website itself said the producers had noticed this alarming trend.  Now whether that means they decided it was time for some drastic action or just sped up the process of changing the voting no one is saying.


I personally think this is a fantastic turn of events, no doubt it makes it seem like much more of a game show considering the next vote America has to make tomorrow (Saturday the 25th) will be who we think has done the MOST for Utopia and that person will receive immunity for the next vote and some type of gift/prize that the new prospective Utopians will bring in with them when they arrive.  Confused yet?  Our pioneers sure aren't I can tell you.  The Cool Kid's Club doubled their work hours, apologized to whatever camera was closest and became fast friends with the people they were threatening just moments before the new rules were read.  Chris becoming besties with Bella was hysterically funny to watch, but he has to keep his lip buttoned from now on or America may just nominate him for being a "big meanie".  Of course this is true for all but Mike and Rob, remember, they want out, but they are only going out with the money, which means they have to be voted out.  Clear as mud?  Good.   


Side Show Freaks & House Keeping

Bri must have found a stash Red forget to take with him because her blog of Oct 22nd tells us spring is almost over.  Bri also tells Cal that Nikki is just not that into him when he comes to her for relationship advice.  She does however think that Chris is ready to "pop the question" since they were talking about ring sizes the other day.  Oh, I almost forgot, one of the cows peed in her eye the other day when she was milking it.  You think that was payback for her starving them a few weeks ago?   


Hex and Taylor broke up last week, got back together within six hours, and now Taylor wants out again.  I'm not sure if Hex really gives a flying fig at this point, but Kristen sure does if Taylor is going to be officially single.  That ought to add another ring of hell in Utopia as you watch your recent lover crawl into bed with a new lover in a sleeping bag no more than 20 feet away from you and your now cold and empty sleeping bag. 


Bella is teaching herself how to use eBay and PayPal since Kristen won't teach her how to auction her paintings.  If Bella sells her paintings, the CKC couldn't steal the profits for themselves, doesn't matter anymore however, because Bella ain't gonna be the one going home on All Hallows Eve thanks to the rules change, but Kristen might be.  Don't worry about her though, she has everything covered "I can start a new company the second I walk out those doors, and just by attaching my name to it, it will be successful," she tells Aaron.  Bella's latest estimate for the paintings up for auction was $2,700.


Now that Fox has sped up the turnover rate in Utopia to every two weeks, (almost as fast as your nearest McDonald's) they are trying to keep some secrets for the episodes airing every Friday night so we have a lot more audio muting and highlight reels running.  If you notice something is off, it's not you, it's them.


Utopia is putting out something called a work log now.  The idea is everyone is tracked and we get a daily report showing what type and how much work our pioneers are doing.  Here is the report for Oct 22nd, before they found out about the rules change and here is the report for Oct 23rd.  Some people made some huge changes for the better and some for the worse.


Rob seems to have come "un-stuck" last night.  He disappeared OFF the farm.  Now, the rules don't allow you to come back if you leave Utopia willingly, but many people believe that Rob is pretty tight with production and gets some special treatment.  Rob himself said he just had to leave and speak to some "other people".  Problem is he was gone for the whole night and didn't show back up until around 10am this morning.  While the Fox people are pretty diligently trying to keep us from hearing the pioneers talk about this event, it seems more than a little sketchy.  We will keep you posted with any concrete info we get regarding Rob's AWOL adventure.



Next Time

Find out why Aaron went to the emergency room for something that happened with his ear plugs.  I'm still trying to get an answer back from Fox if the pioneers qualify for Obamacare to cover all these ER visits.  Find out who has switched sides and decided to come out of the darkness and into the light, well anytime there is a camera around anyway.  Mama Bear Amanda had a little false alarm with some contractions a few nights ago.  She isn't supposed to be due for another 30+ days, but babies don't care about Network Programming Schedules.  That's it fans and hate-watchers.  Let us know if you have any questions, and leave us any comments you are dying to make.

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Dawn, Do you think Jon De Mol has washed his hands of this show yet and stopped returning Fox's calls for help?



Who always had a hard time accepting the idea that Fox was actually interested in a Reality TV show where strangers come together to build the perfect society...

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Dawn, Do you think Jon De Mol has washed his hands of this show yet and stopped returning Fox's calls for help?



Ha!  I'm not sure, but I know another Jon (Jon Kroll @hippykid) has taken on the lions share of "owning" this show.  He interacts with the online community and is making some substantial changes to the rules causing a major shift in how the Utopians view themselves and how involved/responsible the online viewers are becoming.  It makes for great live feed viewing, lets just see if they can pull that off on TV.

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