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I don't always get to watch Letterman.

Every once in awhile I'll check his CBS site to scan thru Top Ten Lists, etc.


If you've never seen the Spoof Documentary they did about his life...

it's on there today.

There's a box that's titled - - DAVE TV - - just click on 'Comedy Clips' ... that should take you right to it.

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  • 2 months later...


Top Ten Things Overheard During The Michael Jackson Verdict

10. "We the jury find the defendant not guilty--oh God, did I say the wrong one?"

9. "Of course he's nervous--look how pale he is"

8. "Will Mr. Blake and Mr. Simpson please keep the laughter down?"

7. "No, I think he'll do fine in prison"

6. "I'm a celebrity in an L.A. courtroom--I like my chances"

5. "Do you think this'll be on the news tonight?"

4. "We the jury find the defendant creepy"

3. "Michael, good news--I just saved 15 percent on my car insurance by switching to Geico"

2. "Wait, have Tito, Latoya and Jermaine always been on the jury?"

1. "Another case of a white guy getting preferential treatment"

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  • 4 weeks later...

Top Ten Signs You've Seen the `Star Wars' Movies Too Many Times

10. Your poodles are named "C," "3," "P" and "O"

9. You won't sleep with your wife unless she says, "Help me, Obi Wan, you're my only hope"

8. You spent $10,000 trying to Rogaine yourself into Chewbacca

7. You're continually stunned when the President makes major decisions without consulting Mark Hamill

6. Your favorite pickup line: "Would you like to handle my light saber?"

5. You keep referring to your lawn mower as "that crazy droid"

4. You spend most of your days trying to use "the Force" to open a can of pears

3. You once saw an eggplant that looked kind of like Darth Vader and almost had a heart attack

2. Your sex life is strictly "Han Solo," if you know what I mean

1. You like Yoda so much, you voted for Ross Perot

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  • 4 months later...


Oprah, Dave . . . Dave, Oprah


Oprah, Dave . . . Dave, Oprah

Oprah, Dave . . . Dave, Oprah. Oprah Winfrey didn't get to become "one of the most recognized and admired public figures" without being one of the savviest. And so with a new Broadway show to promote, Winfrey has agreed to go where she hasn't gone in 16 years: David Letterman's place. The media mogul is scheduled to appear Thursday, December 1 on "The Late Show with David Letterman."

Letterman announced it on his daily talk fest on Monday, November 21. The pomp and circumstance surrounding the announcement included a huge photo of Oprah dropping from the rafters of The Ed Sullivan Theatre behind the fellow Midwesterner. And you can expect to see Letterman do a countdown nightly trumpeting her long-anticipated appearance on his show.

The booking is to coincide with opening night of "The Color Purple," a Winfrey-produced musical version of the Alice Walker novel. "What a big night that is going to be--not only for us, not only for Oprah, but for Broadway," Letterman said on Monday's show.


David Letterman

If Letterman sounded as if it he was laying it on thick, in an ironic sort of way, then CBS laid it on thick, in an kowtowing sort of way, in its press release touting Winfrey, "whose renown as a television host, producer and publisher has made her one of the most recognized and admired public figures worldwide."

The network may be forgiven for fawning--Winfrey has been one tough "get" to get. The daytime talk queen hasn't done a late-night show with Letterman since May 2, 1989, back when she was merely a daytime talk queen (as opposed to a magazine publisher, Broadway producer, movie producer, book-club booster, all-around humanitarian and Forbes-certified billionaire), and he was an NBC employee of 'Late Night.'

Winfrey's Letterman appearance was just her second (she'd first done his NBC show in 1986), and for a long while seemed destined to be her last. "I felt completely uncomfortable sitting in that chair," Winfrey told Time magazine in 2003 of her Letterman experiences, "and I vowed I would not ever put myself in that position again."


Oprah's first appearance on Letterman and the infamous 'Oprah Log'

Letterman, meanwhile, never gave up. He never let up, either. His most famous gag from his critically assailed 1995 turn as Oscar host was the "Oprah, Uma . . . Uma, Oprah" line. On the site, DDY's Late Show Fan Page, Letterman's fixation on Winfrey has warranted its own page. Most of the 67 entries recount Letterman's "Oprah's Log" of 2001-02, in which the late-night host recounted his (unsuccessful) attempts to be invited to Winfrey's show.

Not a real feud--Letterman kids because he loves, which would explain the dearth of Jay Leno jokes on 'Late Show'--the Letterman-Winfrey standoff thawed in November 2003, when Winfrey sent Letterman children's books to mark the birth of his first son, Harry.


Oprah Winfrey presents Broadway bound 'The Color Purple.'

One month later, about the same time Time was quoting Winfrey as saying she didn't ever again want be a guest of Letterman, she asked Letterman to be a guest of her show. The 'dream come true' of the "Oprah Log" or no, Letterman turned down the offer, saying he was afraid he would "break down and sob like a little girl."

On Monday's show, however, Letterman couldn't have been more effusive about Winfrey finally responding to his overtures. "Put bygones behind us, the water under the bridge, over the dam, wherever water goes--standing in your basement," Letterman said, "she's going to be here on this show, and it's going to be fantastic."

"The Color Purple" is Winfrey's first crack at playing Broadway impresario. She previously costarred in the 1985 Steven Spielberg film adaptation, and earned an Oscar nomination for her portrayal of Sophia.

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Oprah Agrees to Appear on 'Late Show'


David Letterman and Oprah Winfrey

The cold war between television titans Oprah Winfrey and David Letterman has thawed to the point where Winfrey has accepted Letterman's invitation to appear on the "Late Show" on Thursday, December 1. Letterman made the announcement during a taping of his show on Monday, November 21.

It's Winfrey's first visit to "Late Show," although she was twice Letterman's guest on his NBC show before the late-night comic moved to CBS in 1993. Winfrey's appearance will coincide with opening night of the Broadway musical "The Color Purple," which she is producing.

"What a big night that is going to be not only for us, not only for Oprah, but for Broadway," Letterman said. "You have the big 'Color Purple' Broadway opening, and then right across the street here in this theater, you have Oprah appearing here. I mean, that's what Broadway is all about it's a street of dreams."


Academy Award Host David Letterman

The origin of their "feud" was murky, although Letterman has frequently joked about her through the years. Letterman's failed 1995 stint as Academy Awards host is best remembered for his awkward "Oprah, Uma . . . Uma, Oprah" introduction.

Winfrey told Time magazine in 2003 that she wouldn't go on Letterman's show because she's been "completely uncomfortable" as the target of his jokes. "This just gives you an idea of what a big, big star this really is," Letterman said on Monday, November 21.

"She's huge," Letterman joked on his 'Late Night' perch. "Put bygones behind us, the water under the bridge, over the dam, wherever water goes standing in your basement she's going to be here on this show and it's going to be fantastic."


Oprah Winfrey

Back in 2003, Letterman joked about wanting Winfrey on his show to hold "the Super Bowl of Love." Winfrey who had sent an olive branch gift of books for Letterman's newborn son called his bluff and invited him on her show. He declined.

"Here's what would happen: I would go on the 'Oprah' show, and I would break down and sob like a little girl . . . I don't want to have that happen," he said at the time. "I'd feel ridiculous. I'd never be able to live that down, that Oprah would make me sob." Former Winfrey protege, Dr. Phil has been a frequent Letterman guest, offering his own form of "tough love" in a needling relationship.

Oprah's appearance is a big boost for Letterman, who has been struggling in the ratings this season and falling further behind his nemesis, NBC's Jay Leno. The timing isn't quite ideal, however: Winfrey will visit the day after the November ratings sweeps period ends.

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You only missed the initial announcement and I'm sure they'll repeat it on several entertainment programs. You can tune in each night for the Oprah Countdown and, of course, you haven't missed the most important date . . . Oprah, Dave . . . Dave, Oprah. That doesn't happen until Thursday, December 1.

I predict David Letterman will be on his best behavior that night and I also predict a huge bouquet of flowers for Ms. Winfrey from Dave. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a kiss on Oprah's hand in Dave's future. I also think this is the rating coup of any sweep time period. Although she appears AFTER November sweeps, it may be the first time Sweeps goes long into December. Enjoy!

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Top Ten Dr. Phil Tips For Interviewing Oprah


10. Keep the questions short . . . the less you talk the better

19. Don't take too long in the welcoming hug;

19.. Stedman is huge and he could kick your butt

18. You two can start a club of people who won't marry their mates

17. Don't bother asking - - She ain't giving you a car

16. Create a safe emotional space where she can express any conflicted

19.. feelings that - - Oh hell, I don't even know what I'm saying

15. Is it too late to get Koppel to interview her?

14. Grovel

13. Try not to be 'all handsy' backstage

12. Don't humiliate her by asking her to read a lousy Top Ten List

11. Dave, for once in your life try not to be a dumbass

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Dave and Oprah Bury Hatchet


Oprah Winfrey and David Letterman are all smiles with each other

in their first meeting since 1989.

Oprah Winfrey and David Letterman buried the hatchet on "The Late Show" on Thursday, December 1 and wondered just how their 16-year feud started in the first place. "Could you tell me please what has transpired?" Winfrey asked Letterman during the show. "I have never for a moment had a feud with you."

It was Winfrey's first guest appearance with Letterman since May 2, 1989. Letterman reminded Winfrey that she had not been on his program for 16 years. With a wink and a smile, Winfrey corrected him, "16-1/2 years to be precise." This marked the first time Winfrey paid a visit to "The Late Show with David Letterman, although she twice appeared on his NBC show before the comic moved to CBS in 1993.

While presenting Letterman with a gift, she alluded to his much-maligned joke as an Academy Awards host in 1995 the awkward "Oprah, Uma. Uma, Oprah" introduction. The gift, wrapped in purple to coincide with the opening of the Winfrey-produced Broadway musical "The Color Purple," was a signed, framed photograph of herself and Uma Thurman.


Oprah Winfrey presents David Letterman with a reconciliation gift

featuring an autographed photo of her and Uma Thurman.

Winfrey was resplendent in a brown and purple-tinged taffeta cocktail dress while Letterman cut a fine figure in a designer suit. "I want you to know, it's really over, whatever you thought was happening," Winfrey playfully chided her fellow midwestern chat fest host. Seeing the photo, Letterman returned with a quip, "Are you sure it's over?"

Letterman has frequently joked about Winfrey through the years. He devoted plenty of time this week to hyping the talk show appearance including a nightly bigger-than-life photograph of Winfrey being dropped from the rafters of the Ed Sullivan Theatre behind him. In 2003, Winfrey told Time magazine she wouldn't go on his show because she's been "completely uncomfortable" as the target of his jokes.

"I can't thank you enough," Letterman said. "It means a great deal to me and I'm just very happy you're here." Winfrey asked, "Does it really?" She continued, "I've been hearing for the past week you talking about it, and I didn't know if you were really serious or you were just doing your 'Dave thing.'"


David Letterman presents Oprah Winfrey to his 'Late Show'

studio audience for a standing ovation for Ms. O.

But Letterman proved his intentions were earnest, discussing in-depth Winfrey's efforts to lend support to communities in Africa and the good intentions of her syndicated program, "The Oprah Winfrey Show." Letterman told Winfrey, "You have meant something to the lives of people. We're just a TV show." The approach clearly caught Winfrey off guard, as she repeatedly exclaimed, "I can't believe you're being this serious!"

"What do you want, Tony Danza?" quipped Letterman, alluding to another fellow talk show host who waited in the wings as a "stand-in host" as part of a running gag on last night's 'Late Show.' Tony Danza was miked and ready to fill in for Letterman in the unfortunate event that he would not be able to fulfill his nightly hosting chat fest duties.

To cap off his gallant reception of Winfrey, Letterman escorted her out of his theatre and down a fan and paparazzi-packed red-carpeted sidewalk to the premiere of "The Color Purple." Her musical opened the same night across the street at the Broadway Theater. Before walking her out, Letterman said, "I think we'll just pencil you in for the next 16 years."


David Letterman escorts Oprah Winfrey down the

red carpet to her premiere of 'The Color Purple.'

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Talk Show Titans Kiss and Make Up


Oprah Winfrey and David Letterman

For sixteen years, David Letterman's mined Oprah Winfrey as a mother lode for jokes. Friday, he may start digging somewhere else. The two talk show hosts couldn't have been friendlier as Oprah made her long-awaited appearance on CBS' "Late Show with David Letterman," wearing an elegant Vera Wang brown taffeta ball gown lined in purple set off by a purple sash.

The costume wasn't entirely for Letterman - "the television event of the decade," as he jokingly called it. Oprah was on her way to an even bigger event on her calendar: the star-studded Broadway opening of the play "The Color Purple," produced by Oprah in a theater across the street from Letterman's Ed Sullivan Theatre.

Still, Letterman made the most of it, telling the audience "I've been sort of gruff, I've made jokes, and generally been a nuisance . . . so of course she wasn't eager to come" on the show, adding that he was surprised and pleased when his son was born to receive a gift from Oprah: a box of books

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  • 3 weeks later...


Letterman Fights Restraining Order


David Letterman

SANTA FE, New Mexico - Lawyers for David Letterman want a judge to quash a restraining order granted to a Santa Fe woman who contends the CBS late-night host used code words to show he wanted to marry her and train her as his co-host. A state judge granted a temporary restraining order to Colleen Nestler.

Nestler alleged in a request filed last Thursday, December 18 that Letterman has forced her to go bankrupt and caused her "mental cruelty" and "sleep deprivation" since May 1994. Nestler requested that Letterman, who tapes his show in New York, stay at least 3 yards away and not "think of me, and release me from his mental harassment and hammering."

Lawyers for Letterman, in a motion filed on Tuesday, December 20, contend the order is without merit and asked state District Judge Daniel Sanchez to quash it. "Celebrities deserve protection of their reputation and legal rights when the occasional fan becomes dangerous or deluded," Albuquerque lawyer Pat Rogers wrote in the motion.


David Letterman

Nestler told The Associated Press by telephone on Wednesday, December 21 that she had no comment pending her request for a permanent restraining order "and I pray to God I get it." Sanchez set a January 12 hearing on the permanent order.

Letterman's longtime Los Angeles lawyer, Jim Jackoway, said Nestler's claims were "obviously absurd and frivolous." Jackoway said, "This constitutes an unfortunate abuse of the judicial process." Nestler's application for a restraining order was accompanied by a six-page typed letter stating her concerns about the popular late night talk show host.

Her restraining order said Letterman used code words, gestures and "eye expressions" to convey his desires for her. She wrote that she began sending Letterman "thoughts of love" after his 'Late Show' began in 1993, and that he responded in code words and gestures, asking her to come East.


David Letterman

She said he asked her to be his wife during a televised "teaser" for his show by saying, "Marry me, Oprah." Her letter said Oprah was the first of many code names for her and that the coded vocabulary increased and changed with time.

Her letter does not say why she recently sought a restraining order. Rogers' motion to quash the order contends the court lacks jurisdiction over Letterman, that Nestler never served him with restraining order papers, and that she didn't meet other procedural requirements.

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