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Letters From Inanimate Objects to BB13 Houseguests

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Dear Houseguests:

What culinary concoctions will you dream up for me this year?

Sincerely,

Slop

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Dear Houseguest,

Who will beat me to death this year?

Sincerely,

A Pool Stick

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Dear houseguest

please don't soil me this year

Sincerely

Head of Household Bed

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Dear Houseguests,

What makes you think I can't see you pick your nose?

Sincerely,

Cameras

Dear Houseguests,

I can hear that ! ! ! Yuck ! ! !

Sincerely,

Microphones

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Dick:

So glad our restraining order was enforced by the producers.

We were not going to give you another chance to beat us again.

Don't let the door hit ya on the way out.

Signed,

The Pots and Pans

To: The Law offices of Schekel, Matzo Ball and McCann

Sirs,

Your services are no longer required.

We hope that the retainer previously advanced to you covers the cost for legal counsel in the Evel DICK matter.

Additionally, we look forward to cooking you a meal after the end of the Season to show our appreciation.

Sincerely,

The Pots and Pans

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Dear Porsche,

Mirror, mirror on the wall

Who is the most conceited bitch of all?

You, my dear.

Sincerely,

BB House mirrors

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Guest 6Borders

Dear Rachel -

Please lose the laugh...I'm already peeling off the walls and you aren't helping.

Sincerely, The Wallpaper

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Dear Rachel,

Please stop talking...you are reaching my destructive resonant frequency

Signed,

The mirrors

-Kyo

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Dear HG's:

While everyone on the feeds and BBAD seemed to enjoy the music, we did not.

Please give us a break we thought with Dick gone we were again safe from physical abuse.

The Pots and Pans

Dear Kithcen Table:

The HG's appear to now be taking out their aggession upon you.

You do not have to take one more round of Big Booty, Big Booty, Big Booty.

We've can give you the name of our attorney's should you want to get a restraining order.

The Post and Pans

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Dear Houseguests,

Give up the

search. I left the show in protest over the dirty deed pulled by Evel

Dick.

Franklin the Turtle

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Oh no! Security!

Too funny!!

Thank you! :D I love to watch Bon Qui Qui especially when I need a pick me up, and my kids at school laugh when I do impressions of her. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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To: Rachel

From: The Live Feed Cameras

Re: Submissions to Other Reality Shows

Per your request we edited and submitted your live video blog submission to Bridezillas and we have already heard back that the producers think you are just too awful to have on that show.

Now, regarding your request for submission to Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew would you please review and approve the following:

Quote:

"Hi My name is Rachel and I have been on not 1 but 2 seasons of Big Brother.

After many heated discussions with my betrothed 'Boukie' I find that I suffer from Alcoholism, co-dependancy, plastic surgery/botox addictions, gambling/VEGAS separation anxiety, passive-agressive disorder, body image issues, road rage, anger management, sexism, beastiality, extreme coupouning and un-natural laugh dis-order.

I realize you might have Charilie Sheen and Bristol Palin on deck for next season but I really do think you will find that you could possibly line up both Brendon and I as a package deal. We are the perfect duo for your show - we call ourselves Double Trouble

Hugs and Fake Annoying Laughter

Rachel."

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To: Rachel

From: The Live Feed Cameras

Re: Submissions to Other Reality Shows

Per your request we edited and submitted your live video blog submission to Bridezillas and we have already heard back that the producers think you are just too awful to have on that show.

Now, regarding your request for submission to Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew would you please review and approve the following:

Quote:

"Hi My name is Rachel and I have been on not 1 but 2 seasons of Big Brother.

After many heated discussions with my betrothed 'Boukie' I find that I suffer from Alcoholism, co-dependancy, plastic surgery/botox addictions, gambling/VEGAS separation anxiety, passive-agressive disorder, body image issues, road rage, anger management, sexism, beastiality, extreme coupouning and un-natural laugh dis-order.

I realize you might have Charilie Sheen and Bristol Palin on deck for next season but I really do think you will find that you could possibly line up both Brendon and I as a package deal. We are the perfect duo for your show - we call ourselves Double Trouble

Hugs and Fake Annoying Laughter

Rachel."

:animated_rotfl:

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Dear Rachel,

Ewww, do you really have to crawl all up me and cry your whiny tears, and show fake puppy eyes at Brendon when he comes to your "rescue"? Gross, please find somewhere else to cry, your tears are not welcome here.

Thank you for staying away!

The BY Bushes

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Dear Kalia

There are other people in the house, please stop!!!

Thanks,

BB Food!!

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Dear Rachel,

Ewww, do you really have to crawl all up me and cry your whiny tears, and show fake puppy eyes at Brendon when he comes to your "rescue"? Gross, please find somewhere else to cry, your tears are not welcome here.

Thank you for staying away!

The BY Bushes

:smilielol:

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Dear Danielle,

This letter is to inform you that although we are super-duper deluxe models, still, our abilities are somewhat limited.

Also, please be aware that we are unable to read lips.

Sincerely,

the Microphones

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Dear Rachel and Brendan,

Please, oh please stop beating me up. After your HOH other people have to use me too.

The HOH Room Mattress

Dear Kal-eata,

Your wearing out my hinges, and I'm having a had time staying cool.

The Refrigerator

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